20 Oct
Many of you would admit (not publicly) that they would have an affair if it would be risk free, explaining that cheating does not mean they no longer want to be with their partner.
You love your partner and the kids you have together. It`s not about that.
Infidelity is about fulfilling a sexual desire and the need to feel desired.
It’s about feeling alive and adding some excitement into a structured routined life.
Infidelity is about wanting something you either don`t believe you can get again in your relationship, question if you really ever had, or don`t think your partner will agree to trying.
At the same time, you built a beautiful home and a life you are proud of. You definitely don’t want to hurt the people you love or to risk losing the life you have worked so hard for.
When Esther Perel talks about Marriage today versus previous generations she says:
“First we brought life love to marriage. Then we brought sex to love. And then we linked marital happiness with sexual satisfaction”
Is it realistic to believe that we can hold on to this perfect package forever, until death do us part? Isn`t an affair the “middle way”?
Send me a message and share your thoughts with me.
Sharon
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2 Comments
Albert
I always enjoyed listening to Esther Perel’s lectures. And I find this topic fascinating because it confronts the complexity and reality of couples who have been together a long time. Infidelity will always have a novelesque quality. If an affair becomes known, it will be confusing to the “wronged” partner who must decide how to adjust to the new dynamic or reject the relationship entirely. For the partner who has had the affair they must manage a double life, as well as a bit of lying, and the white-hot flame of newly awakened desire. Is there a “middle way”? I don’t know. If both side feel they have been treated with the respect and dignity that they deserve, then perhaps, just perhaps, they can come to a good place for both partners.
Sharon
Thank you for your view Albert. Indeed, many couples who have been together for many years miss the passion and the excitement of discovering new things about each other.
An affair feels like the way of feeling it again and at the same time keeping the statuesque… I have never heard anyone telling me that they have had the affair with the intention or hope of getting caught. It’s a gamble, a risk they felt they could take so they can feel what they have been missing for a long time.
But it put the couple at a crossroad: Continuing as if nothing happened, is not a realistic option.
Staying together would mean working as a team, understanding the changes that need to be made and building up a new and stronger relationship. Often, learning how to communicate better.
Or, walk away because the damage feels unfixable because the moral pillars that are holding the relationship have been broken.
What do you think Albert?