7 Pros, 7 cons and 7 tips of how to start all over again after a divorce
Cons – What people felt were the hardest things they had to deal with after the divorce:
1. Learning to trust again. Giving people the benefit of the doubt, a real chance without the fear of being hurt and and them abusing your trust.
2. Change in routine and daily structure: coming to an empty home, shopping for one, empty bed.
3. The good memories you have shared and the milestones you have accomplished bring sadness and a sense of loss.
4. Starting all over again. Feeling as though you don’t really remember what life was like before you were together.
5. Have children with this person. Seeing them less. Splitting holidays, feeling their pain in all of this when they aren`t at all to blame.
6. Learning how to move on minus all negative emotions: anger, guilt, regrets.
7. Weekends: Social life depends only on you. The need to make an extra effort in meeting new people.
Pros – What people see as benefits of not staying in an unhappy relationship:
1. Doing things that you always enjoyed but for whatever reason, couldn`t do as much as you wanted during your marriage. Maybe even had to give it up all together. Now possible again.
2. Discover a whole new lifestyle that serve your needs and passions best. Spend more time taking care of yourself. Cooking healthier, being more active and fit.
3. Gaining more respect from my kids. They have felt the tension in the marriage. Sometimes the relationship with the ex improves as well.
4. I meet interesting people, I go out regularly. Make new connections, friends.
5. I was unhappy in my marriage and now I am free of that particular unhappiness. Guilt of being unhappy is gone.
6. Being alone is scary and at the same time exciting and fun. Feeling hopeful about the future.
7. The possibility and excitement of falling in love again.
What helps go through this all:
1. Your relationship with yourself: Respect, love, and gratitude
2. Learning how to come to terms with being alone. And feeling comfortable with that.
3. Understanding that you need some time and distance/space to fully heal.
4. Avoid contact with your ex. Even if it means deleting their number, go to new restaurants and places you didnt not use to go together.
5. If you have kids, focusing on their well being helps ground you. Its a major life change and the relationship you have with them now will have a big impact on how they stay connected with you in the future.
6. Don`t let your family and friends interfere too much in your life. People tend to give you advice even when you don`t ask for it. Not all constructive advice.
7. No more blaming. Whoever ended it, for whatever reason, history cant be changed. No more dwelling over it.