Bad experience with online dating? you are not alone
As a relationship and communication coach, I am interested in the many ways people communicate in order to achieve the results they are aiming for. I often speak to people who have experience with online dating. I ask them the following 2 questions:
What is it that makes Online dating so appealing for you?
Were your expectations met?
Each of these points contains a reasoning to the first question, an experience (second question) and my personal note.
Privacy at my own convenience. I decide how much information I share and if to take it further, meet this person or not.
I can log in anytime I wish, connect with people I would most probably never meet otherwise, switch off when I feel like it and keep a comfortable distance.
Feel more protected. safer
Users lie on their profile to make themselves look more appealing. An old image, false status, profession, financial situation, and more.
A few of my clients admitted having an experience where after what seemed a long enough period of back and forth messaging, they felt comfortable enough to go on a date and once they arrived, where approached by someone who introduced themselves as their date but looked like a complete different person! They got scared and left. felts unsafe.
According to statistics, a slightly higher % of women use older images of themselves, photoshop etc. to get more visitors on their profile.
Men on the other had lie more about their Jobs, financial situation, and status (i.e being married).
Which means that although you can indeed choose how much information you would like to share and with whom, you end up risking sharing your personal information with a person you believe you are getting to know but actually might not be honest with you.
By engaging in small and well organised dating activities you will be reducing that risk. Its easier to lie online than face to face. Also easier to detect a lie face to face than online.
Saving time by making a selection / narrowing down my options before I take the time to meet someone.
A relatively “shallow and picky way of selecting. Its easy to ignore, reject, delete people online.
Connecting with someone online rather than face to face makes them less “real” and more disposable. Viewing someones profile without feeling the actual energy this person has means you are missing on seeing and feeling the uniqueness about this person. You are not using your instincts to the fullest and might be missing on connecting with an amazing person.
There are different dating sites addressing different wishes: serious relationships, one night stands, secret affairs etc. By having a profile in the site that fits your wishes, you connect with like minded people
An assumption that women who are on dating sites are looking to have sex with strangers.
Women often receive sex proposals and abusive photos.
Again, although it may initially feel like you have the power of choice by keeping a respectful and safe space, you may not be always properly respected.
Different sites, rates and special offers. Some sites are free.Fits anyones budget.
Unrealistic promises and not always possible to end up the contract when you wish to.
I believe in REAL connection, the one you can have only by being physically next to someone, hearing their voice, smelling their scent, seeing them smile, understanding their body language, feeling the energy around them. being yourself!
Online Dating is in my opinion a false short cut.
If you want to stay healthy and loose weight, eat better, burn more calories by doing more fitness. All the other “magic pills” and special diets, will also give you the false feeling or simple leave you in a worse condition physically and financially.
If you REALLY TRULY want something you need to make real effort for it. You need to put yourself out there, sometimes away from your comfort zone, and open up. let yourself go a bit.
Start in small groups, with some friends around, connect and grow your network this way. friends know other friends. friends inviting you to private parties. etc.
If you would like to share your experience with me please send me an email to: