Are you missing the physical and emotional excitement you used to have years ago? 

Do you find yourself less motivated to make love to your partner? 

Does one of you have a higher sex drive than the other? 

With every year that passes by, family, responsibilities and routine take a bigger part of your life. Sex feels more initiated and less spontaneous. 

After 20 happy years with my partner and 3 beautiful kids, I have found that these simple steps work well. When I coach couples, these are points we work on.

1. Every once in a while explore something new under the sheets

You may feel like you have tried it all, and what you haven`t done so far, is because neither of you is interested. Well, that’s not true.

When it comes to exploring, the sky is the limit. If you have mentioned it in the past and got a “no” – doesn`t mean it will still be a “no”. things may have changed.

If you are too shy to suggest it as your idea, just say you read it somewhere, a friend mentioned it etc. Important is to mention it as see the reaction.

2. When you like something – be VERY graphic about how much you enjoyed it!

You had some fun and you would like to have more of that? Then let your partner know! The more details you add, the more turned on and motivated they will be to do it again and more often!

3. Plan some together time outside of the house

Go for dinner at your favorite restaurant, pack a bag on a Sunday morning and go for a hike somewhere you spoke of. Just do something different!

If you have children, speak to your parents / in laws, and plan with them to babysit for a few hours, this is SO important to have time for each other!

4. Never go to bed angry – EVER

Did you argue about something during the day? Is something he / she said that you find unfair, upsetting? Find a way to bring it up before you go to bed. I find a cuddle on the sofa and an open bottle of wine helpful…

If you go to bed without clearing the air, it will grow to something disproportional. The next chance something small and semi upsetting happens, it will add up to what you have been holding on to. Your partner may not understand the fuss around it and you will have a harder time explaining the connection between the 2 scenarios  

5. Always go to bed together

This should be your ritual! It`s very common for one of you to want to go to bed earlier than the other, but this an important part of staying physically and emotionally connected so you need to compromised. for example: one stays awake a bit longer and the other goes to bed a bit earlier than they wish to. Start with once a week, and see how that feels. 

6. Send each other sex messages

If you had a fun together, send each other small and naughty messages the next day. Keeping it a visual image for each other is fun and would make you want to try new and exciting things more often.

If you are planning to go out tonight, be a bit cheeky, suggest something you would like happening after. Sometimes it`s easier to write it than saying it directly.

7. Last but not least – never forget to show gratitude

Being grateful for the small things you do for each other is key for having more of them, more often. For example:

Thank you so much for picking up the kids after school, that really helped me finish what I needed to do

Those flowers you bought me are so beautiful – you really know what I like

Thank you for ironing a shirt for me. I know how busy you are and that was a really sweet gesture

I didn`t realize how good you are in the kitchen, I really loved the dinner you prepared. you should do that more often, with a smaller apron next time…

These are all things I have integrated in my 20 year relationship and I can tell you first hand –


I hope you enjoyed reading and I look forward hearing what you think and even better – once you have tried something from this list for the first time – drop me a message and let me know how that went