We don`t all have the same expectations. They are based on what we know, going all the way to childhood, remembering how our parents were towards each other. Making a conscious decision of wanting or not wanting that. But using the first relationship in our memory as an example.

We then later on have our own experiences, we compare the men we have dated to each other, we give them plus and minus points.

What we liked, what worked for us and what felt as unhealthy, left us broken, what we should avoid.

We have observed the men, felt those emotions, thought about improvement, and we try to base our future decisions on those experiences.

So when we meet a guy, we carefully observe to see if there are any similarities to anything we have experienced in the past, because if there is, we will start connecting dots, make assumptions and build expectations, and that happens VERY FAST! Often based on very short observation and little chance you give this poor man to prove himself otherwise. Meaning, he is guilty until proven otherwise.

Why?  Because he may look a bit like your ex who hurt you, he may have similar interests, or gave a comment which took you all the way back to an experience you once had with someone who ended up wrong for you.

By trying to protect yourself from getting hurt again, you are actually creating a barrier and preventing yourself from what could be something good in your life.

You need to give him some time to show you who he REALLY is, and not to prove you wrong!

Remember that he may be fearing the same things you are. He may have been left broken from his previous relationship and he needs time to feel confident enough to be himself around you.

He is trying to get you to like him, to find him interesting and smart and all the things he thinks you will be expecting of him. So sometimes before he even gets to be himself, there is a superficial layer that needs to be peeled off. The layer you WON`T be seeing on your first date.

First impression is often NOT the right impression

We expect men to be confident, financially solid, to passionately sweep us off our feet, to respect us inside and out, to know and serve our needs, and of course be fun and funny

Now ladies, before you expect all of those things from a man, ask yourselves this:

Are you all those things to YOURSLEVES? Because until you are not confident in yourself and your abilities, until you don`t fully understand what you need and what, you can NOT expect this from anyone. You need to feel like you are able to offer the very same to him too.

I hope you enjoyed reading and I look forward hearing what you think and even better – once you have tried something from this list for the first time – drop me a message and let me know how that went

sharon@erikssoncoaching.ch

Sharon