We had a beautiful and loving relationship, why did she/he have an affair and ruin it for us?
I hear that often enough coming from both sides, I feel their pain, disappointment and deep sadness.
It`s not easy to move on from that.
You chose the person you will trust, love, open up to, and hopefully spend the rest of your life with and this person left you crushed in pieces, ashamed, hurt, angry and deeply sad.
The fear of it happening again is big. The word TRUST is mentioned in every aspect life.
All of a sudden you start questioning everything and everyone. Trust is broken, and the “doubt-seeds” are now everywhere.
There is a difference between Love and Lust
Many happy and healthy relationship end up with one partner having an affair.
Because Love is a need and lust is a craving.
It`s hard to live without love. The need to be loved and give love is a natural and essential one to our happiness and self- development. We work hard on building the base for it, we look for the right partner whom we would like to give and receive love from.
We build our loving world together: Home, family, safe surrounding. When we feel safe, we “reward ourselves” by relaxing – getting lazy- taking things for granted and with that, neglect our cravings.
Passion is replaced with known patterns. Spontaneity with routine. The growth and self exploration on a sexual level is rapidly decreasing.
In a relationship both partners are actively working on supporting each others personal growth, being attentive to their needs building up a stronger bond, roots.
But there is a part of us which seeks to develop, to explore its full potential and is not entirely happy with the person we have become.
Our relationship feels safe but lost the excitement.
Our partner has become our best friend, and less our lover.
We feel like we are getting older, time is moving fast, there are still things we would like to try, phantasies we would love to fulfil…
Lust is about the natural instinct of hunting and the pleasure of concurring. So how can we get more of that with our partners?
What I recommend my clients is the following:
If you are in a happy and long relationship, and feel the desire for the missing lust, share it with your partner, find ways to surprise and excite each other, take time for yourself and never ever forget to compliment.